#5 ‘Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)’ – Taylor Swift, The Tortured Poets Department
I am not totally a fan of this new Taylor Swift album. I think there are a little too many songs that sound like drafts. Maybe this is the goal of this album, but I am not Taylor Swift so I don’t know. What I do like about ‘Fortnight’ is the fact that Taylor gives the bridge to Post Malone. If you know any Taylor Swift songs, you should know that is pretty rare. Nevertheless, I think Post Malone (just like Lana Del Rey in the first version of Snow On the Beach) deserved more time in the song. The spooky black and white scenes, opulent dresses, and Clara Bow-inspired makeup in this music video are also a nice touch. Another song I like off of this album is ‘Clara Bow’ – It’s not my favourite, but the lyrics are so powerful (and so handy for an essay). I have also realized that I now need to watch The Dead Poet’s Society because I never have before and I guess the dudes in the lab in this video are from that movie. I want to make all the links and draw all the conclusions; hence, my next movie viewing shall be this film.
I was supposed to be sent away
But they forgot to come and get me
I was a functioning alcoholic
'Til nobody noticed my new aesthetic
All of this to say I hope you're okay
But you're the reason
And no one here's to blame
But what about your quiet treason?
#4 ‘My Very Best’ – The Big Moon, Here is Everything (Deluxe)
April was the end of my third year in university, so I really needed this song. I was worried that my GPA was going to go down for the first time in a while (it actually went up; my mind likes to tell me little lies to keep me on edge) and just the stress of work, and change, and new things was making me feel like maybe I wasn’t doing my best. I think that this song is actually reflecting on the change and growth that comes with motherhood, and doing your very best at that new challenge in life; however, I like to interpret this song as someone doing the best they can for their past self. I am really trying to be kinder with myself and what has helped is thinking of me not as who I am now but as the little kiddo I once was. I would not expect little old me to write huge research projects on three or four hours of sleep, nor would I encourage her to skip breakfast and dinner, so why do that to myself now? It is so hard for me to find balance and I think it is partly because I have spent my entire life valuing subjective grades and perceptions over my own life. I was doing good this year for a bit, but winter is very harsh and most of my attempts fell through. I have promised myself that I will try to have more “life” in the next school year. I need to try and find a balance, or else I think I will have to be done with school after this degree and I actually love university even though I also hate what it makes me become lol. I did my very best this year.
But I don't know
You're born into this mess
If I do my worst
If I do my very best
I did it all for you
#3 ‘True Love’ – Hovvdy, True Love
This song is like waking up from hibernation. It makes me think of things blooming in the spring. It’s one of the first songs I played after leaving my last exam – and one of the songs that I cried in relief to on the way home from said final exam. I’m not so much worried about failing anymore like I was in my first and second year, it’s just the weight of knowing things must be done that is suffocating and makes it so hard for me to relax. Songs that remind me of spring like this one are little reminders that this hardship will pass; and also that this final exam is not all there is to life.
Tell me how do you feel today
Woke up so down, tired from sleeping
Like my old song, colorful houses
They keep my head up, I'm still walking
#2 ‘Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?’ – Taylor Swift, The Tortured Poets Department
A nice touch to this album is a song about being insane and a woman, nice work Taylor! I like this song because it’s like all the thoughts I have all the time. Firstly, the anxious overthinking in the bridge is SO real: “So tell me everything is not about me / But what if it is? / Then say they didn’t do it to hurt me / But what if they did?” Secondly, I often hear the saying “to be a woman is to perform.” In this song, she is quite literally a circus animal performing, her teeth have been taken out, the circus life is making her mean, and she’s lost her tameness. I don’t feel like I perform myself, but I also don’t try to meet all of society’s standards for women.
This song is SO relevant in my English classes where I have been looking at literature and the culture of women – I am having trouble putting into words the amount of interpretations and connections possible with this song. I have SO many essays to post on the blog of this exact focus coming soon. Like look at these lyrics and open any book ever written by a woman.
… So tell me everything is not about me
But what if it is?
Then say they didn't do it to hurt me
But what if they did?
… I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me
You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me
So all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs
I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?
That I'll sue you if you step on my lawn
That I'm fearsome and I'm wretched and I'm wrong
Putting narcotics into all of my songs
And that's why you're still singing along
… So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street
Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream
"Who's afraid of little old me?"
I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean
"Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth"
Who's afraid of little old me?
Well, you should be
… You should be
(You should be) You should be
'Cause you lured me (you should be)
And you hurt me (you should be)
And you taught me
… You caged me and then you called me crazy
I am what I am 'cause you trained me
So who's afraid of me?
Who's afraid of little old me?
Who's afraid of little old me?
#1 ‘Idaho’ – Slow Pulp, Moveys
‘Idaho’ is a song I played a lot while working on my big creative project this term called “the end.” It’s something I wrote for my class Envisioning Environmental End-Times, and it is basically a whole bunch of very disturbing pieces focusing on the beginning of our end as climate change makes our land and our bodies inhospitable. I will post up the project on this site sooner or later, I don’t really like sharing creative writing because for some reason it’s kinda embarrassing (also this is poetry so even worse!). Anywho, this song was really handy and had many lyrics like “I kept on holding out for the downside” and “I’m losing all the while” that are kinda big notions in this creative project.
I hate that sound
They've all been used by now
My doubt's too loud
But it's beauty I turned down
I kept on holding out for the downside
Before I knew why
I don't think I can win my pride on time
I'm losing all the while
I'm losing all the while
I'll keep you out
My body knows me now
I'll try to be without
Sleep on your shoulder for now
I'll keep on holding out for the downside
Before I knew why
I don't think I can win your side on time
I'm losing all the while
I'm losing all the while
Honorable Mentions
‘Uglyfisherman’ – Djo, D-Sides
‘Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?’ – Lana Del Rey, Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
‘Quiet Eyes’ – Sharon Van Etten, Quiet Eyes – Single
‘American Teenager’ – Ethel Cain, Preacher’s Daughter
‘Falling Colour’ – Vanbur, Falling Colour – Single